Happy New Year

It's been a long year, but when you look back, it always feels like it's gone in a flash. 

Let's hope the New Year will bring us happiness and joy.

Take care, everyone, and stay healthy!

о женщинах

Лично я делю женщин на две категории: кошки и курицы. Кошки редко дружат с другими кошками, и если дружат, то с немногими. Курицы же всегда легко и весело собираются в курятник и счастливы в нём. При этом всякая курица думает про себя, что она — лебедь

on happenings in Ukraine (2)

[forgive my ramblings, it's getting very late and I'm very tired after a long emotional day]

Discussions in social networks (both Russian-speaking and English-speaking) showed me that lots of people out there misunderstand what's the whole point of ... well... unrest in this country.

They think it's about the EU deal. Hm, yeah, it is. But it isn't JUST about that.

If you had to live here you'd know what living here is like. Since 'declaration of independence' Ukraine struggles with widespread corruption, organized and/or violent crime, lack of social services, poor medical service, "insolence of office", extreme bureaucracy, inefficient and corrupt judiciary system, high taxes... I could go on and on.

[ Still, if you look at our 'beloved' neighbor Russia, people there are having it a lot worse. If it wasn't for oil, I doubt Russia would be around today. And please - I'm not talking about Moscow - even Russians joke that Russia and Moscow are two completely different things. ]

Since 1991 when USSR era ended and Ukraine became independent, at first our parents, and then we - young generations of Ukrainians - were promised 'improvements in the quality of life'. Instead, politicians and organized crime units robbed the state and stuffed their pockets with money, disregarding anythings that stood in the way and resorting to anything.

I have no idea how many of us survived 1991-1998. Even for my family those years brought days of hunger because we sometimes had no money for food (despite the fact that both of my parents were constantly employed). I remember a huge wave of assassinations in 90's - it touched even my middle school - parents of students were killed, some in broad daylight. When Ukrainian currency was going through high inflation and hyperinflation (1992-1996) most people lost everything, all savings and money. It really was a period of time when only the 'smart' survived.

Some made millions, given access to state resources or having right 'connections'. Most didn't. When we entered year 2000, a solid layer of wealthy people formed in Ukraine. Some chose to forget how they made their fortunes. Some kept to the same methods.

Years 2000-2004 didn't make life easier for 'commoners'. We were dealing with same old s#%@.  Only people who were becoming adults didn't remember that much about the 'great USSR' and were starting to think they shouldn't be treated like slaves just because they were born here. Some sort of 'national pride' and self-esteem started to evolve in younger generation. As well as mentions of such things as 'human rights' and 'freedom of speech'. People were watching life in other countries and started thinking why can't we live that way? Sadly, majority still kept to pro-USSR mentality or was too used to 'our way' that no change was deemed necessary. I don't even mention those who enjoyed living in crime. 

Year 2004 and Orange Revolution was the first attempt to change something in this country. Then people tried to rally against crime lords gaining even more power. Because, strangely, lords in Ukraine don't understand that if you don't let people make money, there'd be nothing to steal. There's a joke in our country, that "in Ukraine, to get twice the amount of milk from the cow, you must milk that cow twice as often". No mention of letting the poor animal eat, ever. Let alone eat better. 

That's the whole essence of people that's been ruling this country: they don't give a damn about people, even if they get richer because of them. They don't see a connection between well-being of people and their well-being. 

After setback that followed Orange Revolution (people thought that new head of state would magically change everything for the better, hah, like that's possible without long hard work) people started losing faith something is ever going to change. The smartest from young generation were leaving and people who gave up on this country or had means to escape still leave. 

Playing disappointment card and economic crisis card (not only that, but let's not go into greasy details), our dear current president got to hold the office. Strangely, some people really voted for him and believed that he can make their life easier. After several years of his presidency everyone came to realize (well, almost everyone), that he's doing worse than his predecessor, elected in 2004, whose 'failures' were so widely advertised by opponents. But if years 2004-2009 brought some sort of relief, at least a vision of improvement glimmering in the dark, years 2010-2013 had seen nothing but fast degradation. 

Why do I bring it up now?

Because in years 2010-2013 we started to see the return of 'golden' 90's. Young adults started to experience the same things their parents had to endure: corruption, drastic change in quality of life, rise of organized crime - hell, even killings in the broad light of the day returned. We had seen atrocious crimes committed by people related to 'power hungry', police or rich, and horrendous attempts of cover-ups. We had seen that human life here is valued 0 coins. Deja vu at its worst. 

And all accompanied by smiley promises of 'bright future' always awaiting just a little further away. Young people started to realize that they - and their children - will have no future in this country. Their hope for better life is being stolen - right here, right now. 

And as we see this, we see Russia turning into a repressed criminal monarchy, going down even faster (though it's economic state is better than ours, social affairs are much, much worse - just read about cases of  'suicides' in their army, when suicide victims' bodies arrive patched up after organs had been removed). And that it's trying to swallow us. 

That's why this EU deal was the last straw, or rather a mug of alcohol spilled into the fire. People are very tired of being exploited, abused and disregarded. I hope more are willing to work towards achievement of their goals instead of waiting for someone to magically 'fix' everything. 

Many foreigners are misunderstanding, stating that Ukrainians think that EU deal was Ukraine actually joining the EU. We get it, no one said Ukraine will be joining the EU anytime soon, or ever. It's just that we're tired of being lied to and tricked out of our expectations without any consequences. We're tired that those who hold power are treating us like @#$%.

So, it's about the EU and it's not about the EU.

To people who face their own troubles in the US, or in the EU, or elsewhere, such way of thinking may look naive, but let me remind you that this country was historically independent only for 20-something years. Before that, Ukrainians never had their own country to rule or lead somewhere. Before that, we all lived in totalitarian society of the USSR that controlled almost everything and denied the need to think and choose; everyone was safely shrouded from politics and economic realities.

I don't know what's going to happen next and have no courage to predict anything, but I'd like to think that this 'uprise' wasn't in vain.

on happenings in Ukraine (1)

If you followed news, you might have heard about "riots" in Ukraine - actually protests taking place right now.  They're the most massive gatherings of people since 2004 and so-called "Orange revolution".

Don't know what you remember about "Orange revolution", but back then I was in the streets with protesters. A student of the university then. Majority of my uni mates attended demonstrations in 2004 and so did I.

This time I didn't go. If you asked me why I didn't, I'd have no ready answer for you. A friend invited my to join and spent at least 6 hours there today.
Of course, I had a visit to relatives scheduled a week ago. Of course, I have enormous amount of work. And then, of course, I look to my left and understand that no one would *allow* me to go... not alone, only with my friend. A part of me, probably, wanted to go because I did have a walk in the city in the evening, around 5pm when atrocities near Bankova started. I witnessed packs of young men in sportswear gather and head down to the very heart of uprising - Independence Square. I saw young policemen drink coffee quite peacefully (in large groups though) and ignore above-mentioned packs of young men in sportswear. But I didn't go nearer than 3km (checked the map for exact number).

If anything, I'm tired.

Maybe - just maybe - if events continue to evolve - even I'd be moved to do something about it. As for now we just have to wait. 

FTIsland - Top Secret

I have to admit I didn't like this song when it was released more than a year ago.
But I listened to it again in singles' collection a week ago and suddenly grew to like it. Maybe because I listened to lyrics from start to finish :)

this photo is just... wrong

don't know about you, but this photo scares me a bit.
it's so unnatural, who would pick it as CD cover?

750 words badges

visited 750 words accidentally and decided to export my badges.
here they are:

a story of one coffee shop

so, let's talk about yesterday... just for the hell of it...

yesterday.

a boring day at work. 

most of the day filled with copy/paste, find/replace with regular expressions and then - proofreading. 

a friend of mine had a nasty experience one day ago - she wanted to meet up and drink. even if it's coffee. therefore, our 'close circle of friends' decided to put everything aside and meet. there were supposed to be the three of us, 'girlfriends'.

I had no luck leaving earlier and was stuck in evening rush hour - entered subway exactly at 6pm.

as you may surmise I had little chance to get where I needed to go till 6:15. earlier in the day I understood I had no spare cash on me and had to grab big banknote from the 'atm'. and if you ever lived here, you'd know that buying a subway ticket with a big bill will result in getting change in a pile of old dirty bills. I had to rummage through all my pockets and purse to find just enough nickels to buy me a ticket - thanks to a person who left the city carrying my magnetic multi-travel pass. 

I had to survive a huge queue to the ticket office where people nearly fought, standing in two or three lines to each of two windows. then - stuffed trains. then - even more stuffed exchange station. I forgot when I saw people so tightly jammed into a tube of a tunnel that leads from one subway station to another. 

I had to go through usual routine race to get into the train at one of the exchange stations - its common rush hour plague being that out of 20 seconds stay allocated for each train at the station, 15 or more are usually used up by passengers that exit the car. then you have to rush in and hope sliding doors won't hit you.

if it wasn't dark outside, I'd prefer to walk.

when I arrived downtown, at our designated meeting place, it was 6:25 and raining.

we didn't discuss where we'd go, only subway station waypoint. I tried calling my friends, but, figures, one of mobile network carriers decided it's time to shut down - I couldn't reach any of them.

just so you'd know, here we have two major carriers and a bunch of minor ones. small carriers usually utilize major carriers' networks. that's why if it fails, it fails big. millions of people are left without mobile phones. 

therefore I waited, thankfully having a hood. a call from an unknown number, my network. I found them, already buying pastry and coffee. a fourth person joined our group. yes, I knew that person and didn't mind. 

a girl behind the counter pleaded we didn't use our 100 or 200 bills, because she had no change. downtown, evening rush hour. huh? I decided to pity her and use my 200 bill to pay for two people. was the last to order and pay. got my change, took two steps from the counter and sorted through bills I've been given. it's never a good sign when you receive change with small bill mixed with big ones. they teach cashiers to sort money when giving change. 

the biggest bill in my set of change (100) was glued together, but completely torn apart before. also neatly stuffed in a pile so if you didn't examine it with a sort of scrutiny and turned it upside down to see the glue all over the back side, you wouldn't notice.

I didn't wait to let another person - a stranger - make her order, threw the bill in question on the counter and demanded a 'valid one'. yes, demanded, because I wasn't in the mood for being overly polite to a little 'nice' girl behind the counter who first asked customers for cooperation and then tried to trick them into accepting an invalid bill that amounted to ~$12. my coffee cost $2. 

she gave me another, valid bill, without a word, question or apology. if you needed proof she knew what she was doing, here it was.

we sat at the table and after several minutes got our orders brought in by another girl, a waitress. she placed coffee cups around the table with a smile. I wasn't paying attention when she was moving around the table, but after she was gone took a good look and saw that my coffee cup and spoon that accompanied it were dirty with some muddy substance. just enough to be visible. like it wasn't cleaned before served to me. I looked around and saw that other cups were sparkling white. 

I couldn't help laughing, scoring a look from my friends. you won't persuade me it was a COINCIDENCE.

I could make a scene and talk to their manager, leave a written complaint that would cost them during next inspection. I would consider doing so, if we didn't have a person who had her share of very back luck lately and didn't gather here to comfort her. so I put sugar into coffee to pretend everything's ok, but didn't touch it. to hell with small smiling 'nice' girl behind the counter. and her friend the waitress.

you don't have to guess that I won't be visiting that establishment anytime soon.

nevertheless...

I never quite understood the need to turn spiteful when you lose a game. 

ok, you tried to trick me and failed. deal with it. it wasn't *me* in the first place who handed you - or your establishment - an invalid bill. and you've accepted it, overlooked it. why spite towards the person that didn't get tricked in your place?

yeah yeah, I know it's against human nature. we are spiteful after all. most are. 

and sore losers. 

one of my friends tried to reach her husband, but network kept to its failure. they set a place to meet too ambiguously in the morning, so she was worried he would be angry. he was, when we found him at another subway station later in the evening. 

when we separated after an hour or so at the coffee-shop, the rain poured more vigorously. the fourth person who had a car lent us an umbrella before saying good-bye. I had a hood, so I let the girls share it when we walked to look for 'lost' husband. 

as I said, he was angry that he couldn't get in touch with his wife and continuously showed us 40 out-coming calls to her number. we swore as one that none came through. actually, we used different mobile carriers to call *his* number, but it didn't connect because his network was down. 

eventually, he had to satisfy himself with the fact that he *found her*. or rather she found him. of course, almost an hour later than they planned. 

--------------------------------------

if you still wonder about my mood, my music player's been stuck at Nickelback recently.
if everyone cared, savin' me, far away, next contestant, someone that you're with, I'd come for you, AND when we stand together.

...

I won't talk of politics today.

If you follow recent news about Ukraine, you'd know why...

Turkey, photos

some photos from my vacation:

by the way, I loved their newly-built (well, it was newly-built then ^^) aquarium. I loved walking their underwater tunnel. and their exhibitions were great. as someone interested in marine life from childhood, I was happy to have been there. and maybe I'd return after several years to see new additions to their collections. they also must allow swimming in the pool with sharks by that time :)

this is a beauty, no matter how you look at it:

and... cats.
Turkey and cats.
I can write a long post about it.
in short, in Turkey cats are everywhere and do what they want. they are very clean and well-fed and usually lazy.

[the cat sleeping on the marketplace wares was photographed by my friend, thanks ^^]

something about Turkey

since I had no opportunity to have a vacation this year, I've been going through photos of previous years and found a stash of photos made in Turkey. 

I could have posted some of them here, but not many I think.

anyhow, as someone born in Kiev, and even more so - someone who graduated from school in Kiev, I've been stuffed with prejudice about Turkey. 

well, you know, 'classic' Ukrainian literature is very prejudiced against Turkey, and our 'mutual' history has enough blood spelt, therefore 'relationship' between nations.schoolchildren are bound to swallow is ... rocky. 

there's even a proverb about 'Turks', that tells us that whoever you call a member of Turkish nation must be stupid. generally, it means someone barbaric or unaccustomed to Ukrainian ways. 

just so we'd be clear - it's not my point of view, only the way tings are. Ukrainians were used to make fun of Turkey and its people. 

nowadays, having visited the country and spoken to lots of its inhabitants before and after my visit, I can say that Turkey is much more civilized than Ukraine. they have many reasons to make fun of Ukrainians. and that is the truth.

I won't go into details here, because there're simply too many things to say that illustrate how backwards-thinking we are compared to our neighbors. I'm not even mentioning Europe - Western Europe, to be precise. 

of course, Turkey has its own internal issues. but hell, they have self-respect and pride. they are willing to fight for their freedom and work for their living. they are more open-minded and welcome to strangers than 'customarily hospitable Ukrainians'.

instead of reading stupid old books in school and laughing at silly old jokes, repeating prejudiced statements, I urge everyone to go and see with their own eyes how thing stand now. 

без комментариев

500th post ... #2?

I wrote something really pathetic for my blog just a little while ago, but my mobile decided it shouldn't be published. 

So be it.

Therefore I need to think of something else...

Hm...

For example, while I was sleepy today (or yesterday) I hurt my left toe again. Or maybe it was all because of horrible blisters I got yesterday. Anyhow, having had a 'pleasurable' experience this spring (when I couldn't walk for at least a week even with pain medications), I was too careful with shifting weight on my left foot today. But, of course, I completely forgot about it in the evening shower and - who'd guess - managed to survive. Heels are off the list for at least a week, though... 

By the way, does it happen to anyone but me so often? Hurting myself (unintentionally) while almost sleep-walking? Spacing out or deep in thought until you hit something. Thankfully, only indoors. And I'm very careful with stairs, due to another 'pleasurable' experience in my childhood. 

I just remembered...

...when I was 13 an ophthalmologist had told me I may not be recovering because I don't want to see the world around me. That I had a sort of mental block and was telling myself not to see. 

It gave me a shock, then. Because I really had similar thoughts in my mind. 

Applying that logic there may be some sort of perverted sense in my casual unintentional accidents.

Joking :)

ftisland - you are my life

I've never seen the vid for this song before I started looking for youtube video to post.

honestly, I'm disappointed a bit. my own vision of it (in my mind, of course) has been completely different.
but the song is great. I've been listening to it over and over for some time now.



I'll add live performance of this song jsut so there'd be English-subbed version. Lyrics are pretty simple, actually. Even with my Japanese skill I was able to get 95% of this song without resorting to written lyrics.
Not the best performance, though... but it'll suffice for now. [oh yeah, I fear that effect devices hadn't been set up properly for main vocal]


of course this translation is very basic,
for example, when he sings 'unmei da nante ieru kamo ne' I'd say it means something like 'there may really exist the thing called destiny', not 'maybe this is our fate'... but oh well...
things get lost in translation.

and a thing about translation - yeah yeah I'm editing this post to add something for the 3rd time... 
this video reminded me how I was scared to learn Japanese several years back. video here uses a practice dunno-what-very-'intelligent'-person started, writing all particles and verb combinations together, as one word.
so at one point we get scary (as hell) line:
"sonosubetega bokunosubete kiminashidewa... ikiteyukenai"
actually, it's a completely normal line:
"sono subete ga boku no subete kimi nashi de wa... ikite yukenai"
makes one hell of a difference, eh?

when you see a language with words that have 10 letters or more, you start to think it's very hard to learn.

Halloween and Guild Wars 2... and delusions

hey, it's almost Halloween time.

and you know why I know about it? because Guild Wars 2 that I've been playing features Halloween events :) [as for this event - I've never seen so many people in one place in GW before... it gets to the point where I think about lowering my graphics settings]

otherwise, I'd be just working, eating and sleeping - and occasionally logging into GW. 

 I'd like to write more here, but it's gotten pretty late again. days run away so unexpectedly...

nevertheless, I've decided to share some screens of GW2 I've made and as I write this they're uploading to Google drive. and by 'some' I mean almost all I've made so far :)

other happenings in my life...

my cousin got married, the youngest of us (cousins). her wedding that I've attended is a separate topic altogether. 

I thought I'd have time to got out with my friend today, but my colleagues decided against it by presenting me with yet another Friday afternoon 'opportunity' to exercise anger control >.<

therefore I'll get some time off (hopefully) when we'll go watch Gravity this week-end. 

upload 34% done...

[I guess I'll go get myself some tea right now]

recently watching Big Bang Theory makes me think of certain real people who remind characters of the show. hell, one person could easily fit into the show.  I wish I had as much arrogance to think I'm never wrong and everyone should bend to my will because it's absolute. Or I don't... don't wish I had that much stupidity. 

delusions help to live in this imperfect (to say the least) world, though they also make one ... delusional. it actually intrigues me: whether it's better to live in a world that exists only in your head, so to say... the world that you can control and always pretend everything's ok. or shift your delusions so everything would seem ok.

some say games are a way to escape reality. I guess the real difference lies in whether one can distinguish what's in-game world and what's real world. what's in his/her head and what's really happening. what's his/her wistful thinking and what's a possibility.

I admit, the line is blurry here.

still, I think the worst mistake one certain person makes over and over is making a conjecture about life in general based on principle that everyone sees the world just as [that person] sees it. Or, rather, [that person] just denies a possibility that someone else's point of view may be right. 

certain people who 'defend' gay rights do the same thing: 

they label people that don't support gay movement 'bigots' (etc), while shouting that everyone has the right to do what he/she wants... what they forget is that following that logic people who don't support gay agenda should be allowed to voice their opinions freely...

no use thinking about.  

I've decided to live and let die, so to say. can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. 

oh, my screens are uploaded at last. 

so, here's the link, in two parts [glue them together and you'll be able to see shared folder]:

https://drive.google.com/folderview?id=0B-Yaan

and of course after some text another part of the link

NuRoxlRWZneFFKenQ5cTQ&usp=sharing 

guess that's it for today, I really need sleep. 

GW2

ok, I did it.

I bought a copy of Guild Wars 2.

If you were to ask me why, I'd say that I needed something to take my mind off things. A distraction.

Good thing about Guild Wars 2 is that you can play it as little as you want without fear that your money is wasted. They charge you $50 and that's all, folks. No monthly fee.
Usually I drop out of mmorpg because I go down to playing about 2 hours per week, 4 max, and you know paying $20/month for that is kinda steep (remember my exp with SWTOR?)..

So far I'm satisfied - I can play at my own pace. Everything is unlocked, you don't have to suffer f2p penalties. Right now one also doesn't see f2p people around, because game is only p2p at the moment. It has its own beauty, you know, no f2p munchkins.

And I totally love the character customization features of the game.
That's the 1st char I've made:

Let's see how this game fares in the long run...

...

Talk about sleep-deprivation...
I guess I haven't gone to sleep earlier than 3 am since Tuesday, or maybe Monday.
And now it's already 4am...
Good thing is, tomorrow is a 'holiday'. Yup, we're having a holiday here, the day of independence of Ukraine. Actually, the date is 24th of August. Tomorrow is a day off because 24th was Saturday, a week-end day.

different kind of holiday

A boring story, really...

Friday started very early for me, because my bro finally took off on his vacation and someone had to drive him to the airport. Yeah, you know, here in this country sometimes it's very hard to find a taxi that will take you anywhere at night. Even if you live in a 'respectable' part of the city. If you went ahead and ordered a car the evening before, taxi driver can just decide not to show up, leaving you stranded, because it's highly unlikely that you'd get a car at night, and get it fast.

So, wake up call was at 4 am. After 4 hours or less of sleep, endless wait while they get their things together (urgh, I always forget if he says he'd be ready at X hours, take it as X + 20 minutes) and get their kid in place, and a drive to the airport (25 minutes long x2, actually), at ~6 am I was home again. My first business meeting scheduled for 10 am, I was like 'what am I to do now?'.

I decided to have coffee and work a bit on my projects. As Alf said, 'big mistake'. 

I boiled water for coffee, filled my cup with boiling liquid and decided to drink it at my desk, as usually. When I'm not sleep-deprived, I remember that my cat is a precarious little creature. This particular day, I forgot about her nature and she decided it'd be extra fun to make me trip while I was walking with my cup.

As a result, I spilled steaming coffee on my right had. Despite my anger and pain, I felt that I shouldn't drop the cup on the beast and managed to put the cup down on the floor. During that I spilled coffee two more times, again on my hand. The pain was agonizing and when I looked at it, at least half of my hand was deep dark pink. I have anti-burn spray at home, so I used it. Though, it didn't help much. When I didn't move my fingers, the pain was bearable. When I did... I found that no typing or operating a mouse was possible. I can use my left hand well. However, to my discomfort, as time passed, the pain only grew worse. I didn't know how I'd cope with it the whole day.

In the end, I forfeited all attempts to work, swallowed some food and set out to find painkillers left from the time in spring when I hurt my foot. I took what emergency room doctor prescribed then, finished the damned coffee, and gradually found myself very tired plus somewhat drowsy. But the pain started to go away.

Very naive me, I set the alarm for 9 am before laying down to take a nap.

Needless to say, I didn't hear it. A person I was supposed to meet at 10 am woke me up at 11 am after n-th call.

Now for the funny part. When I woke up, the burn was mostly gone, only small patches of tender pink skin remained at places that suffered most. But since then it didn't give me any discomfort, apart from burning a bit near heat sources, like all burns do.

hooded RC

and now behold - a pic I've produced during winter 2012.

this resolution doesn't show much of his eyes, I guess...
oh well, I'm not into sharing full-scale paintings at the moment.

it's release candidate, so mostly done.

bride 3

Also because I've been asked when I'm going to finish it, I've done some work on the pic from 2011.
Yes, that's in my nature - leave things 95% done for years. I can draw about 90% very quickly, without distractions or sleep, but then it's hellishly hard to find time to finish the thing...
Now it's 98% done I guess.

Nevertheless, I've successfully done other 2 full-color paintings in the meanwhile. Or even more, I just can't say for sure now. So it all depends on my mood, a dreadful thing.

a discussion about videos...

Hm, here's the not-so-interesting story that may relate only to certain individuals...

I've given several of my friends links to two videos of the same performer (Miyavi), both are in English. I was interested how people would react to music and graphic representation, because I wanted to know how my own views correlated with those of the general audience.
Yes, I don't consider myself 'general' audience... perhaps you can guess why, but it really doesn't matter much,

Ok, 1st video,


 More or less commonplace song.
2nd one is more pretentious:

Even snapshots help you to understand the difference.
2nd vid wants to look 'sexy' and 'hot'.

I asked people to tell me which video was more appealing. And why - if they wanted to share.
If we take demographics into account, results are a bit strange.
Female viewers had better opinion about 2nd video (generally), than males. And females also mostly thought music and images match.
I'd like to think no one had a reason to lie :)

What would you make out of all this?

Sekai no Owari - RPG

Sekai no Owari - RPG

A song I favor lately.

Don't let images fool you - it's actually not that childish. Or is it? :)

Anyhow, that's really one of the songs that's been making my days better in August.

August of 2013

When you're stuck in the routine, each day seems to drag on forever, yet time passes you by quickly... 

Last month of summer is nearly over and I haven't had even a glimpse of what they call 'vacation'. 

Eh, this also might be the year when I won't even see any water body bigger than a bath.

So much for youth's greatness...

I even don't envy those of my friends who are taking vacation 2nd or 3rd time a year - I know I'm not that lucky yet, to be financially stable or pretend not to care about that aspect of life.

Or allow myself to buy expensive things on a whim. 

Well, to those who might be interested, it's actually my family (or what's left of the family I was born into) that's taken a huge bite of my financial resources. Pretty much on a whim too.

Some people don't know what responsibility means even after they turn 50. Or 60. Or until deathbed. 

But things like this sober you up. You 'grow up' fast, learning not to trust anyone, even 'closest' blood relatives unless their words are sealed officially in written form.

I'd like to be sure I won't ever make a mistake like that again, therefore I'm not going to forget easily. 

Recently I've been accused of being cruel too many times. But that cruelty arises from the sole fact that I have to fight for my rights. Being 'kind' doesn't mean letting other people take advantage of you, the word they should use is 'stupid' or 'gullible'. 

There's a thick line between being 'kind' and 'naive'.

Money matters aside, hell, it's really almost September. 

Actually, I wanted to write about many things here, but when I had time to, I usually chose to sleep / eat / work out instead. Maybe when my mind is less preoccupied with so many things to learn, remember and think about (and forget about), I'd find my notes and write down something.

As you may know, I've taken up twitter again; however, it's mostly job-related now. Professional news, updates and IT talk. Twitter wasn't successful in making me write something either. I guess if it wasn't for re-tweets, I'd produce like 0.2-0.5 tweets a day.  

Maybe if someone or something was constantly nagging me, telling me I haven't done anything creative in days, I'd succumb just out of irritation.

music and fans

Another conversation I had about music included discussion about 'real' and 'fake' fans.

There's thins thing, I can listen to a band for years, know lots of their songs, but have no freaking idea how they look like or what names of band members are. Ok, nowadays with digital music spreading to all devices I often see album covers and there's high probability to see band members' faces. I even noticed a member of 2PM starring in drama without any notion from credits... That was off-topic.

I still don't know names of band members. Of course, if it's a singer that goes by his/her own name, I would know it. Otherwise... nope. Not particularly interested. 

I was listening to Scorpions for the most part of my life (20+ years) and I still don't remember any names. I know I saw them mentioned, but all that information escaped my mind. I know titles/lyrics of most of their songs, I know how they look like - and that's all. 

Therefore one person told me I'm not a real fan of... anyone. If you're a 'real' fan, you must strive to know everything about your admired person. Including underwear color, lol. 

That led me to conclusion that I'm not a fan of 'anyone', meaning singer / composer / performer, I like MUSIC. 

When you admire a painting, do you take it apart and worship canvas, oils, brushes and rags used to create it?

The same logic applies to music for me. 

I hope Scorpions won't be offended that I don't know their names (lol) after 20 years. Though I'm sure they wouldn't.

As for 'real' fans - I don't like obsessive behavior. I understand that entertainment feeds fantasies. And fantasies tend to go out of proportion. Just look how many people want certain performers 'for themselves' and how many girls would willingly marry some 'cute' boy / handsome man from a pop / rock band (same goes for males, only marriage is less often mentioned ^^).

Hm, that makes me fel happy and not a 'real' fan of anyone... Let me keep at least a tiny bit of my sanity :)

music and lives

Few days ago Depeche Mode had a show in our city. 

I do not wish to speak ill of something I haven't attended, so I'll leave judging to those who paid enormous money to be present there. Still, Youtube vids speak for themselves...

Ok, ok, performance quality aside, Depeche Mode and discussion why I didn't go (firstly, why should I? I can name only 1 or 2 of their songs) made me recall why I don't attend lives anymore - and my relationship with music in general.

Let me tell you, that now I cannot imagine what would make me pay money to attend a live in fan zone. I just don't find it fun or exciting to mix with reckless crowd that has no regard for safety or public order. I don't fancy having my feet crushed by someone who 'has' to dance or jump the whole show, and better yet - wearing high heels (yes, a lot of 'girls' still wear them to lives). I don't fancy all the pickpocketing that happens (hm, where would I put my car keys?). I don't fancy being splashed with beer and other alcohol people must buy to entertain themselves. I don't fancy fights in the audience.

And I plain hate people who record everything that happens on the stage with their not-so-professional-as-they-think camera on the phone, making it hard to see anything. I have no sympathy for men that let their girlfriends ride their necks so they can have a better view of the stage or just for 'fun' - that means you'll see even less. 

Another reason lives have become such a disappointment for me is sound quality. People forgot what sound check is for. Or, rather, since stage equipment and sound setup can provide good sound only to a portion of audience, stage management makes a decision to favor certain areas. Which usually results in horrible sound everywhere except vip central areas and dreaded fan zone. There's another aspect, though... typically I attend live performance to hear ARTIST sing live - not my pals from audience singing and screaming verses (even if they know them). Sadly, in most cases 'singing' of the audience makes it almost impossible to get any satisfaction from artist's vocals.

Bottom line is, what's left? You pay big money - and the amount seems even bigger if you compare wages and prices in this forsaken country - to get what? 

I'll support artists by buying their digital music, thank you very much. 

this is a bad year for my blog

So far, this is the worst year for my blog.

I haven't been writing anything here for ages. If you ask me why, I would give you several reasons.

First of all, I have a lot of work to do. Daily. And nightly. Which leaves no time or desire for something else than sleep. 

Hm, probably other reasons can be derived from first. I feel no 'desire' to express my thoughts of feelings. Or everything changes so rapidly that I can't catch up with thoughts as they come and go. 

yep, I had many ideas for entries in my blog or other blogs. Still, I had no time to sit down and write, so those ideas are gone now. 

I started using twitter again. Probably because ~100 symbols is my limit now for a day or even several days. Talk about self-expression.

...

After a brief conversation with 'my lawyer' today, I remembered a person I haven't heard of for a long time.

You know, Vladane, you should have at least told me what's wrong. No, I got it, you broke up with your gf. But what followed only made me wonder what's happening and made little sense.

That's it, really.

Ёж

Еж - птица гордая. Пока не пнешь, не полетит.

people you shouldn't turn away

"... there are several types of people you shouldn't turn away: those who don't go away even if you tell them to, those who share silence with you readily and those who insist on taking care of you even if you tell them not to".

It's a quote from a story - or rather a diary - that quotes another person; but the idea is quite interesting, don't you think?

I wish certain foolish people would try to understand this.

I've been one in three instances recently - described above I mean - and I think I'm up to the point when I'm ready to send it all to hell. After all, if someone insists on ruining his own life, it's 'his' life.

Let people like that do what they want if they're so dumbfounded. 

I'm through worrying for nothing and dealing with ungrateful fools. After all, just like in the quote above, I don't get a dime or even a 'thank you' for my help and good intentions, so someone could have considered why I do what I do.

Alas, road to hell is paved with good intentions. I'm not going there. 

Personal opinions

Few days ago I had especially foul mood and couldn't keep from telling one person what I think about him.
He claimed that in his whole life he'd never seen a woman that is beautiful AND smart... usually I ignore fools like that, but not this time.
Now he acts offended and doesn't talk to me.
Oh well, good riddance I guess.

Hindsight

Spent half an hour looking for some invoices, looked everywhere around the flat. Then I found them... under my sleeping cat.

Knowing her, I should have known better and started my search from her.
But everyone is smart in hindsight.

All hail the morning

Here I am, up at work all night.

I don't want to count how many lines of css only I've written today, but it's done. Committing and going to sleep sounds soooo nice...

...

yesterday I worked till 6am and set the alarm for 1pm... and of course my phone decided to turn off due to problems with battery, so I woke up after 3pm today.

taking a break from work, now. remembered I haven't written anything here for a while.

I fear I'd have to pull an all-nighter again.

oh yeah just for the record even though I've been working with win8 UI for some time now, I still don't like how it looks. yikes, those tiles are plain ugly...

winter is still here

it feels nice for a change to get indoors and be warm again after freezing in ... well... freezing weather.

Lecca - Clown Love

I like this song very much even after full month of listening. Sadly, it's a rare find among other lecca's songs...

"не честь"

this picture (or rather text on it) made me wonder.
how 'smart' should a person be to write something like that?
I can understand mixing up "не жить" / "нежить"... but "не честь" instead of "нечисть"? really?

even google translate knows the difference:

 

It's 2013 already

well, it's been a while...

had no time / reason to post here, mostly time though.

it's been very busy end / start of the year.

let's hope we all would have a happy new year.