on friends and opinions

Recently I've been thinking about the very definition of the word 'friend'.

definition aside,
philosophic entity aside,
each of us sees friendship and friends differently, that is a given.

I've been re-reading 'Thee men in a boat' some time ago, and caught myself thinking that I admire friendship described there.

That gave me a thought...

as far as I can see, lots of people view 'friends' as people that say what they like to hear. People make friends with people who they're comfortable with, that's ok, but too many of us want our 'friends' to agree with all our decisions and 'offer support' on every occasion. They ask your opinion, and only one answer is accepted.
Other individuals think that everyone they drank beer \ went out with at least once is a 'friend'. Others count friends by Facebook (and such) numbers.

All groups described above would probably never want to hear your real opinion. Or, more importantly, a conflicting opinion. 'Friends' that are there only for entertainment aren't supposed to create negativity or 'impose' on your personal opinions. Though if you can't share opinions freely with someone, can that person qualify as a 'friend'?
 

Yes, we're supposed to be conscious about other people's shortcomings and 'sensitivities' and don't aggravate matters. But when someone asks for your advice or opinion, and then gets offended because it wasn't what he\she wanted to hear, I think it's not the problem of the one answering. 
Just like in 'Three men in a boat', if you didn't want to hear my opinion, why did you ask?

Let's be honest here,
most probably you didn't want my opinion, you just wanted a confirmation of your thoughts, that you've done something right or about to do a right thing.
And offensive reaction only highlights the hidden doubt. Maybe it's not right after all. How can't it be right?..
Would you rather 'confirm' whatever there is just to avoid possible hurt feelings?
Isn't it a no-win situation, being set up like that? A person expects only one answer, yet if you truly believe you must answer differently even though it wouldn't be pleasant for the one asking , what would you do?
It depends on so many things, it makes me wanna live in a deep black hole sometimes.

First of all, we must know our issue.
In most cases, if we talk about trivial matters, like choosing clothes or looks, we're used to white lies. If person had bought a piece of clothing you don't find utterly complimenting, you're still inclined to compliment. After all, tastes are different, and it's so trivial no one needs to fight over it. On the other hand if you went shopping with a gf and she was about to buy an ugly dress, you'd most probably express your opinion before purchase.
When we talk about more serious matters, it gets less - and more - complicated. Would you tell a person in distress eating that 3rd plate of comfort food isn't good for health? What if you knew it would trigger allergic reaction? Would you let the same person drink a lot?
Would you advice your friend against dating someone who you know has criminal ties?   Would you tell your friend about his\her cheating spouse? Would you advice against investing in risky business? Would you support a divorce, even though you know both parties are being idiotic and most likely will regret it?

The higher the stakes, the more 'damage' your action or lack of action may cause, the harder it is to find 'the right answer'. It's a no-win, like I've mentioned before. Whatever you do, you're screwed.
However, I agree that married couples and divorces are exceptions we all can learn from. Usually, it's better to stay out of disputes of married couples and avoid giving any opinion. Usually, but not always... sometimes someone must be a mediator between two idiots...
and sometimes you can easily tell when you only need to listen.

But I got carried away.

Thankfully, most people I consider 'friends' don't get offended easily. Some people value honesty, and I'm glad I know such people.

After all, it's always you, not someone else, who's making a decision. Trying to silence your own doubts by asking for confirmation from other people is... counterproductive.
If you don't want someone's opinion, don't ask for it.
People aren't mind readers and they don't know each damned time what's on your mind and why you're asking what you're asking. Be ready that people will act according to their own free will, not your expectations.

And if you're looking for consolation, not discussion, make it evident from the beginning, it will make life easier for everyone. I'm perfectly capable of staying by person that is feeling terrible and needs someone to talk to, to be cheered up.

Maybe it's a peril of social networks that makes people so self-conscious and used only to positive responses. After all, you're not supposed to 'dislike' something in (most) social networks. Silence or approval, no disapproval. Constant flow (and exchange) of white lies and blatant lies that nurture the worst in us. Who needs the truth when lies make us feel better?

 

 That thought is a matter in itself...

life that stopped

I'm going to break a promise to myself here, only a little bit...

I swore to myself I won't be talking about politics here. That I'll cut down time spent on ruminating about it. It's bad for my cardiovascular system. 

Though earlier today I stumbled upon an article written about relatives of MH370, you know, the missing Malaysian aircraft. The emotions described there correlated with my own... and not only my own. Millions of people in Ukraine and Russia are living like this now... 

Please don't think that I somehow devalue the hardships relatives of the passengers of the missing plane face: it's just horrible to be in their position, to lose loved ones this way, always scouting for every new clue, doubting everything and having hopes high at every puny possibility. 

Still, life in Ukraine has stopped in a similar way.

Surrounded by uncertainty in tomorrow, it's hard to function. You tell yourself you won't read news, you won't talk about, because if you did you'd get absorbed in reading or discussing it or just fall into such bad mood that no work is possible. You can't work or rest properly, because every spare minute you have to fight the desire to read news. Futile hope that something will work out for the better. Or at least that we all will die in a huge nuclear explosion...

Indeed, ignorance is a bliss.

As you move around the city, you see it everywhere. Not only offices and homes with internet access have stopped their usual lives. Shop assistants and street merchants are discussing political news - among themselves or with customers; public transportation drivers are discussing politics with passengers close at hand; bartenders and servers are talking in their small circles whenever they have free time; political talk and frustration are everywhere. You hear strangers discussing something eagerly at the bus stop; you hear couples talking about it when you walk by, you see elderly people gathered in the yards near benches, some getting very loud in their eagerness. Construction workers are discussing chances that Ukraine can win in a war against Russia while having their lunch. And when you meet your friends, it's only a matter of time until you start talking about IT. 

What's more, some people are descending into half-hysterical (or hysterical) state. Some are getting more and more aggressive. In my case, I'm getting plagues by half-hysterical relatives. The sort of people you can't just ignore, no matter how much you wish you could.  

I don't know what will happen tomorrow. Or the day after tomorrow, for that matter. 

It's unnerving and painful almost on a tangible level. 

"May you live in interesting times", heh?

It's supposed to be a curse and it is. 

something about food... and fish

Today on the spur of the moment I decided to buy some fresh fish. 

This fact isn't worthy to be celebrated in written form by itself, I know...

it's just that while I was removing scales, I thought about peculiarities of our current time. 

I've used fish fillet for frying; tails and heads transformed into fish stew. 

Wait, what, I didn't throw out fish heads? ... Yeah.

Most people nowadays think that only 'good' parts of something are made for eating. 'Good' meaning things like fish fillet, fish steaks. Fish heads, throw them away or feed them to your dog. I actually had several (young) women telling me 'why are you eating creepy things like this?'. Sorry, people had been using fish heads, tails, bones, flippers, chicken hearts, liver and stomachs as foods for hundreds of years. People in poor countries eat even 'more gross' food items. Yet I know people who could retch if you showed them raw chicken heart or would tell you that 'sausage is for those who can't afford real meat'. . 

When did people become this picky? Reports indicate developed countries are wasting tons of food each year, food that's not considered 'creepy'. [not that I think chicken stomachs are creepy... ofc I would probably hesitate if you asked me to eat a fried spider, I confess]

I guess it all comes down to personal experience and 'cultural beliefs'. When people were always fed fish fillet and 'best' parts of everything, you're not gonna convince them to try something 'low class'. Ewww, take this away from me, right? 

Those who experienced shortage of food and were very happy to be able to eat 'low class' food aren't that picky, generally. 

In most cases when I find out my acquaintance is a 'picky' eater, most often it's because they had never worried about getting food on their plate and always 'had a choice' of meals. The question is, are parents doing the right thing when they're making sure their child has nothing to worry about whatsoever?..

...

now when we're under threat of war,
it seems there's nothing meaningful left to say.