on friends and opinions

Recently I've been thinking about the very definition of the word 'friend'.

definition aside,
philosophic entity aside,
each of us sees friendship and friends differently, that is a given.

I've been re-reading 'Thee men in a boat' some time ago, and caught myself thinking that I admire friendship described there.

That gave me a thought...

as far as I can see, lots of people view 'friends' as people that say what they like to hear. People make friends with people who they're comfortable with, that's ok, but too many of us want our 'friends' to agree with all our decisions and 'offer support' on every occasion. They ask your opinion, and only one answer is accepted.
Other individuals think that everyone they drank beer \ went out with at least once is a 'friend'. Others count friends by Facebook (and such) numbers.

All groups described above would probably never want to hear your real opinion. Or, more importantly, a conflicting opinion. 'Friends' that are there only for entertainment aren't supposed to create negativity or 'impose' on your personal opinions. Though if you can't share opinions freely with someone, can that person qualify as a 'friend'?
 

Yes, we're supposed to be conscious about other people's shortcomings and 'sensitivities' and don't aggravate matters. But when someone asks for your advice or opinion, and then gets offended because it wasn't what he\she wanted to hear, I think it's not the problem of the one answering. 
Just like in 'Three men in a boat', if you didn't want to hear my opinion, why did you ask?

Let's be honest here,
most probably you didn't want my opinion, you just wanted a confirmation of your thoughts, that you've done something right or about to do a right thing.
And offensive reaction only highlights the hidden doubt. Maybe it's not right after all. How can't it be right?..
Would you rather 'confirm' whatever there is just to avoid possible hurt feelings?
Isn't it a no-win situation, being set up like that? A person expects only one answer, yet if you truly believe you must answer differently even though it wouldn't be pleasant for the one asking , what would you do?
It depends on so many things, it makes me wanna live in a deep black hole sometimes.

First of all, we must know our issue.
In most cases, if we talk about trivial matters, like choosing clothes or looks, we're used to white lies. If person had bought a piece of clothing you don't find utterly complimenting, you're still inclined to compliment. After all, tastes are different, and it's so trivial no one needs to fight over it. On the other hand if you went shopping with a gf and she was about to buy an ugly dress, you'd most probably express your opinion before purchase.
When we talk about more serious matters, it gets less - and more - complicated. Would you tell a person in distress eating that 3rd plate of comfort food isn't good for health? What if you knew it would trigger allergic reaction? Would you let the same person drink a lot?
Would you advice your friend against dating someone who you know has criminal ties?   Would you tell your friend about his\her cheating spouse? Would you advice against investing in risky business? Would you support a divorce, even though you know both parties are being idiotic and most likely will regret it?

The higher the stakes, the more 'damage' your action or lack of action may cause, the harder it is to find 'the right answer'. It's a no-win, like I've mentioned before. Whatever you do, you're screwed.
However, I agree that married couples and divorces are exceptions we all can learn from. Usually, it's better to stay out of disputes of married couples and avoid giving any opinion. Usually, but not always... sometimes someone must be a mediator between two idiots...
and sometimes you can easily tell when you only need to listen.

But I got carried away.

Thankfully, most people I consider 'friends' don't get offended easily. Some people value honesty, and I'm glad I know such people.

After all, it's always you, not someone else, who's making a decision. Trying to silence your own doubts by asking for confirmation from other people is... counterproductive.
If you don't want someone's opinion, don't ask for it.
People aren't mind readers and they don't know each damned time what's on your mind and why you're asking what you're asking. Be ready that people will act according to their own free will, not your expectations.

And if you're looking for consolation, not discussion, make it evident from the beginning, it will make life easier for everyone. I'm perfectly capable of staying by person that is feeling terrible and needs someone to talk to, to be cheered up.

Maybe it's a peril of social networks that makes people so self-conscious and used only to positive responses. After all, you're not supposed to 'dislike' something in (most) social networks. Silence or approval, no disapproval. Constant flow (and exchange) of white lies and blatant lies that nurture the worst in us. Who needs the truth when lies make us feel better?

 

 That thought is a matter in itself...