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500th post ... #2?

I wrote something really pathetic for my blog just a little while ago, but my mobile decided it shouldn't be published. 

So be it.

Therefore I need to think of something else...

Hm...

For example, while I was sleepy today (or yesterday) I hurt my left toe again. Or maybe it was all because of horrible blisters I got yesterday. Anyhow, having had a 'pleasurable' experience this spring (when I couldn't walk for at least a week even with pain medications), I was too careful with shifting weight on my left foot today. But, of course, I completely forgot about it in the evening shower and - who'd guess - managed to survive. Heels are off the list for at least a week, though... 

By the way, does it happen to anyone but me so often? Hurting myself (unintentionally) while almost sleep-walking? Spacing out or deep in thought until you hit something. Thankfully, only indoors. And I'm very careful with stairs, due to another 'pleasurable' experience in my childhood. 

I just remembered...

...when I was 13 an ophthalmologist had told me I may not be recovering because I don't want to see the world around me. That I had a sort of mental block and was telling myself not to see. 

It gave me a shock, then. Because I really had similar thoughts in my mind. 

Applying that logic there may be some sort of perverted sense in my casual unintentional accidents.

Joking :)

ftisland - you are my life

I've never seen the vid for this song before I started looking for youtube video to post.

honestly, I'm disappointed a bit. my own vision of it (in my mind, of course) has been completely different.
but the song is great. I've been listening to it over and over for some time now.



I'll add live performance of this song jsut so there'd be English-subbed version. Lyrics are pretty simple, actually. Even with my Japanese skill I was able to get 95% of this song without resorting to written lyrics.
Not the best performance, though... but it'll suffice for now. [oh yeah, I fear that effect devices hadn't been set up properly for main vocal]


of course this translation is very basic,
for example, when he sings 'unmei da nante ieru kamo ne' I'd say it means something like 'there may really exist the thing called destiny', not 'maybe this is our fate'... but oh well...
things get lost in translation.

and a thing about translation - yeah yeah I'm editing this post to add something for the 3rd time... 
this video reminded me how I was scared to learn Japanese several years back. video here uses a practice dunno-what-very-'intelligent'-person started, writing all particles and verb combinations together, as one word.
so at one point we get scary (as hell) line:
"sonosubetega bokunosubete kiminashidewa... ikiteyukenai"
actually, it's a completely normal line:
"sono subete ga boku no subete kimi nashi de wa... ikite yukenai"
makes one hell of a difference, eh?

when you see a language with words that have 10 letters or more, you start to think it's very hard to learn.

Halloween and Guild Wars 2... and delusions

hey, it's almost Halloween time.

and you know why I know about it? because Guild Wars 2 that I've been playing features Halloween events :) [as for this event - I've never seen so many people in one place in GW before... it gets to the point where I think about lowering my graphics settings]

otherwise, I'd be just working, eating and sleeping - and occasionally logging into GW. 

 I'd like to write more here, but it's gotten pretty late again. days run away so unexpectedly...

nevertheless, I've decided to share some screens of GW2 I've made and as I write this they're uploading to Google drive. and by 'some' I mean almost all I've made so far :)

other happenings in my life...

my cousin got married, the youngest of us (cousins). her wedding that I've attended is a separate topic altogether. 

I thought I'd have time to got out with my friend today, but my colleagues decided against it by presenting me with yet another Friday afternoon 'opportunity' to exercise anger control >.<

therefore I'll get some time off (hopefully) when we'll go watch Gravity this week-end. 

upload 34% done...

[I guess I'll go get myself some tea right now]

recently watching Big Bang Theory makes me think of certain real people who remind characters of the show. hell, one person could easily fit into the show.  I wish I had as much arrogance to think I'm never wrong and everyone should bend to my will because it's absolute. Or I don't... don't wish I had that much stupidity. 

delusions help to live in this imperfect (to say the least) world, though they also make one ... delusional. it actually intrigues me: whether it's better to live in a world that exists only in your head, so to say... the world that you can control and always pretend everything's ok. or shift your delusions so everything would seem ok.

some say games are a way to escape reality. I guess the real difference lies in whether one can distinguish what's in-game world and what's real world. what's in his/her head and what's really happening. what's his/her wistful thinking and what's a possibility.

I admit, the line is blurry here.

still, I think the worst mistake one certain person makes over and over is making a conjecture about life in general based on principle that everyone sees the world just as [that person] sees it. Or, rather, [that person] just denies a possibility that someone else's point of view may be right. 

certain people who 'defend' gay rights do the same thing: 

they label people that don't support gay movement 'bigots' (etc), while shouting that everyone has the right to do what he/she wants... what they forget is that following that logic people who don't support gay agenda should be allowed to voice their opinions freely...

no use thinking about.  

I've decided to live and let die, so to say. can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. 

oh, my screens are uploaded at last. 

so, here's the link, in two parts [glue them together and you'll be able to see shared folder]:

https://drive.google.com/folderview?id=0B-Yaan

and of course after some text another part of the link

NuRoxlRWZneFFKenQ5cTQ&usp=sharing 

guess that's it for today, I really need sleep. 

GW2

ok, I did it.

I bought a copy of Guild Wars 2.

If you were to ask me why, I'd say that I needed something to take my mind off things. A distraction.

Good thing about Guild Wars 2 is that you can play it as little as you want without fear that your money is wasted. They charge you $50 and that's all, folks. No monthly fee.
Usually I drop out of mmorpg because I go down to playing about 2 hours per week, 4 max, and you know paying $20/month for that is kinda steep (remember my exp with SWTOR?)..

So far I'm satisfied - I can play at my own pace. Everything is unlocked, you don't have to suffer f2p penalties. Right now one also doesn't see f2p people around, because game is only p2p at the moment. It has its own beauty, you know, no f2p munchkins.

And I totally love the character customization features of the game.
That's the 1st char I've made:

Let's see how this game fares in the long run...

...

Talk about sleep-deprivation...
I guess I haven't gone to sleep earlier than 3 am since Tuesday, or maybe Monday.
And now it's already 4am...
Good thing is, tomorrow is a 'holiday'. Yup, we're having a holiday here, the day of independence of Ukraine. Actually, the date is 24th of August. Tomorrow is a day off because 24th was Saturday, a week-end day.

different kind of holiday

A boring story, really...

Friday started very early for me, because my bro finally took off on his vacation and someone had to drive him to the airport. Yeah, you know, here in this country sometimes it's very hard to find a taxi that will take you anywhere at night. Even if you live in a 'respectable' part of the city. If you went ahead and ordered a car the evening before, taxi driver can just decide not to show up, leaving you stranded, because it's highly unlikely that you'd get a car at night, and get it fast.

So, wake up call was at 4 am. After 4 hours or less of sleep, endless wait while they get their things together (urgh, I always forget if he says he'd be ready at X hours, take it as X + 20 minutes) and get their kid in place, and a drive to the airport (25 minutes long x2, actually), at ~6 am I was home again. My first business meeting scheduled for 10 am, I was like 'what am I to do now?'.

I decided to have coffee and work a bit on my projects. As Alf said, 'big mistake'. 

I boiled water for coffee, filled my cup with boiling liquid and decided to drink it at my desk, as usually. When I'm not sleep-deprived, I remember that my cat is a precarious little creature. This particular day, I forgot about her nature and she decided it'd be extra fun to make me trip while I was walking with my cup.

As a result, I spilled steaming coffee on my right had. Despite my anger and pain, I felt that I shouldn't drop the cup on the beast and managed to put the cup down on the floor. During that I spilled coffee two more times, again on my hand. The pain was agonizing and when I looked at it, at least half of my hand was deep dark pink. I have anti-burn spray at home, so I used it. Though, it didn't help much. When I didn't move my fingers, the pain was bearable. When I did... I found that no typing or operating a mouse was possible. I can use my left hand well. However, to my discomfort, as time passed, the pain only grew worse. I didn't know how I'd cope with it the whole day.

In the end, I forfeited all attempts to work, swallowed some food and set out to find painkillers left from the time in spring when I hurt my foot. I took what emergency room doctor prescribed then, finished the damned coffee, and gradually found myself very tired plus somewhat drowsy. But the pain started to go away.

Very naive me, I set the alarm for 9 am before laying down to take a nap.

Needless to say, I didn't hear it. A person I was supposed to meet at 10 am woke me up at 11 am after n-th call.

Now for the funny part. When I woke up, the burn was mostly gone, only small patches of tender pink skin remained at places that suffered most. But since then it didn't give me any discomfort, apart from burning a bit near heat sources, like all burns do.

hooded RC

and now behold - a pic I've produced during winter 2012.

this resolution doesn't show much of his eyes, I guess...
oh well, I'm not into sharing full-scale paintings at the moment.

it's release candidate, so mostly done.

bride 3

Also because I've been asked when I'm going to finish it, I've done some work on the pic from 2011.
Yes, that's in my nature - leave things 95% done for years. I can draw about 90% very quickly, without distractions or sleep, but then it's hellishly hard to find time to finish the thing...
Now it's 98% done I guess.

Nevertheless, I've successfully done other 2 full-color paintings in the meanwhile. Or even more, I just can't say for sure now. So it all depends on my mood, a dreadful thing.

a discussion about videos...

Hm, here's the not-so-interesting story that may relate only to certain individuals...

I've given several of my friends links to two videos of the same performer (Miyavi), both are in English. I was interested how people would react to music and graphic representation, because I wanted to know how my own views correlated with those of the general audience.
Yes, I don't consider myself 'general' audience... perhaps you can guess why, but it really doesn't matter much,

Ok, 1st video,


 More or less commonplace song.
2nd one is more pretentious:

Even snapshots help you to understand the difference.
2nd vid wants to look 'sexy' and 'hot'.

I asked people to tell me which video was more appealing. And why - if they wanted to share.
If we take demographics into account, results are a bit strange.
Female viewers had better opinion about 2nd video (generally), than males. And females also mostly thought music and images match.
I'd like to think no one had a reason to lie :)

What would you make out of all this?

Sekai no Owari - RPG

Sekai no Owari - RPG

A song I favor lately.

Don't let images fool you - it's actually not that childish. Or is it? :)

Anyhow, that's really one of the songs that's been making my days better in August.

August of 2013

When you're stuck in the routine, each day seems to drag on forever, yet time passes you by quickly... 

Last month of summer is nearly over and I haven't had even a glimpse of what they call 'vacation'. 

Eh, this also might be the year when I won't even see any water body bigger than a bath.

So much for youth's greatness...

I even don't envy those of my friends who are taking vacation 2nd or 3rd time a year - I know I'm not that lucky yet, to be financially stable or pretend not to care about that aspect of life.

Or allow myself to buy expensive things on a whim. 

Well, to those who might be interested, it's actually my family (or what's left of the family I was born into) that's taken a huge bite of my financial resources. Pretty much on a whim too.

Some people don't know what responsibility means even after they turn 50. Or 60. Or until deathbed. 

But things like this sober you up. You 'grow up' fast, learning not to trust anyone, even 'closest' blood relatives unless their words are sealed officially in written form.

I'd like to be sure I won't ever make a mistake like that again, therefore I'm not going to forget easily. 

Recently I've been accused of being cruel too many times. But that cruelty arises from the sole fact that I have to fight for my rights. Being 'kind' doesn't mean letting other people take advantage of you, the word they should use is 'stupid' or 'gullible'. 

There's a thick line between being 'kind' and 'naive'.

Money matters aside, hell, it's really almost September. 

Actually, I wanted to write about many things here, but when I had time to, I usually chose to sleep / eat / work out instead. Maybe when my mind is less preoccupied with so many things to learn, remember and think about (and forget about), I'd find my notes and write down something.

As you may know, I've taken up twitter again; however, it's mostly job-related now. Professional news, updates and IT talk. Twitter wasn't successful in making me write something either. I guess if it wasn't for re-tweets, I'd produce like 0.2-0.5 tweets a day.  

Maybe if someone or something was constantly nagging me, telling me I haven't done anything creative in days, I'd succumb just out of irritation.

music and fans

Another conversation I had about music included discussion about 'real' and 'fake' fans.

There's thins thing, I can listen to a band for years, know lots of their songs, but have no freaking idea how they look like or what names of band members are. Ok, nowadays with digital music spreading to all devices I often see album covers and there's high probability to see band members' faces. I even noticed a member of 2PM starring in drama without any notion from credits... That was off-topic.

I still don't know names of band members. Of course, if it's a singer that goes by his/her own name, I would know it. Otherwise... nope. Not particularly interested. 

I was listening to Scorpions for the most part of my life (20+ years) and I still don't remember any names. I know I saw them mentioned, but all that information escaped my mind. I know titles/lyrics of most of their songs, I know how they look like - and that's all. 

Therefore one person told me I'm not a real fan of... anyone. If you're a 'real' fan, you must strive to know everything about your admired person. Including underwear color, lol. 

That led me to conclusion that I'm not a fan of 'anyone', meaning singer / composer / performer, I like MUSIC. 

When you admire a painting, do you take it apart and worship canvas, oils, brushes and rags used to create it?

The same logic applies to music for me. 

I hope Scorpions won't be offended that I don't know their names (lol) after 20 years. Though I'm sure they wouldn't.

As for 'real' fans - I don't like obsessive behavior. I understand that entertainment feeds fantasies. And fantasies tend to go out of proportion. Just look how many people want certain performers 'for themselves' and how many girls would willingly marry some 'cute' boy / handsome man from a pop / rock band (same goes for males, only marriage is less often mentioned ^^).

Hm, that makes me fel happy and not a 'real' fan of anyone... Let me keep at least a tiny bit of my sanity :)

music and lives

Few days ago Depeche Mode had a show in our city. 

I do not wish to speak ill of something I haven't attended, so I'll leave judging to those who paid enormous money to be present there. Still, Youtube vids speak for themselves...

Ok, ok, performance quality aside, Depeche Mode and discussion why I didn't go (firstly, why should I? I can name only 1 or 2 of their songs) made me recall why I don't attend lives anymore - and my relationship with music in general.

Let me tell you, that now I cannot imagine what would make me pay money to attend a live in fan zone. I just don't find it fun or exciting to mix with reckless crowd that has no regard for safety or public order. I don't fancy having my feet crushed by someone who 'has' to dance or jump the whole show, and better yet - wearing high heels (yes, a lot of 'girls' still wear them to lives). I don't fancy all the pickpocketing that happens (hm, where would I put my car keys?). I don't fancy being splashed with beer and other alcohol people must buy to entertain themselves. I don't fancy fights in the audience.

And I plain hate people who record everything that happens on the stage with their not-so-professional-as-they-think camera on the phone, making it hard to see anything. I have no sympathy for men that let their girlfriends ride their necks so they can have a better view of the stage or just for 'fun' - that means you'll see even less. 

Another reason lives have become such a disappointment for me is sound quality. People forgot what sound check is for. Or, rather, since stage equipment and sound setup can provide good sound only to a portion of audience, stage management makes a decision to favor certain areas. Which usually results in horrible sound everywhere except vip central areas and dreaded fan zone. There's another aspect, though... typically I attend live performance to hear ARTIST sing live - not my pals from audience singing and screaming verses (even if they know them). Sadly, in most cases 'singing' of the audience makes it almost impossible to get any satisfaction from artist's vocals.

Bottom line is, what's left? You pay big money - and the amount seems even bigger if you compare wages and prices in this forsaken country - to get what? 

I'll support artists by buying their digital music, thank you very much.